The Wackness (2008)

Synopsis:
It’s the summer of 1994, and the streets of New York are pulsing with hip hop and wafting with the sweet aroma of marijuana. The newly-inaugurated mayor, Rudolph Giuliani, is only beginning to implement his anti-fun initiatives against “crimes” like noisy portable radio, graffiti and public drunkenness. Two people, however, are missing out on the excitement: Luke is a socially uncomfortable teenage pot dealer with no friends, issues with his parents, and a colossal lack of confidence with girls. He trades weed for sessions with his therapist, Dr. Squires, whose much-younger wife is slipping away from him. Squires, a drug-addled shrink with a hairline retreating to the back of his neck and a state of mind slouching back to adolescence, is an unlikely role model--but the two of them forge a friendship based on a mutual need: getting laid. The intergenerational duo set off on a crawl that takes them all over New York, where they encounter several of Luke's "business associates,” including a Phish-following dreadlocked pixie, a New Wave, keyboard-playing one-hit-wonder, and Luke’s supplier. Luke has long had an aching crush on Dr. Squires' way-out-of-his league stepdaughter, Stephanie, and is stunned at his good luck when she returns his affections. Luke’s innocent first love experience with Stephanie becomes a life lesson that sets him on the pathway towards adulthood. And when Squires breaks down, it is up to the younger man to throw the older one a lifeline.

hollywood

the love guru

Mike Myers stars in "The Love Guru"

Guru Pitka was once an ordinary American child, until his family left him at the gates of an Indian ashram to be raised by the exhaulted Guru Tugginmypuddha. Growing up in the small fishing village of Harenmahkeester, Pitka was schooled in the inner secrets of spiritual attainment along with his friend and sole rival, Deepak Chopra. But now, Chopra is a massive celebrity in America, and Pitka is still playing second-fiddle without even an “Oprah” episode on his resume. Determined to share his unending insights into the nature of life and get famous to boot, Pitka responds to a fateful call for help from Jane Bullard, owner of the Toronto Maple Leafs hockey team. It seems her star player, Darren Roanoke has gone overnight from being a big hero to a big zero-scorer because his wife, Prudence, left him and is now dating the L.A. Kings’ legendary goalie, Jacques “Le Coq” Grande. Pitka’s new quest--to restore loving bliss between Darren and Prudence and attain the celestial heights of the Stanley Cup--will challenge everything he thought he knew about the inner workings of truth, love, happiness and hockey.

good wife

A man was wandering around in a field, thinking about how good his wife had been to him, and how fortunate he was to have her.

He asked God, "Why did you make her so kind hearted?"

The Lord responded, "So you could love her, my son."

"Why did you make her so good looking?"

"So you could love her, my son." "Why did you make her such a good cook?"

"So you could love her, my son." The man thought about this. Then he said, "I don't mean to seem ungrateful or anything, but why did you make her so stupid?"

"So she could love you, my son."


Happily married
Two mothers met for coffee one morning, and the conversation naturally turned to their kids.
"Well, Martina, how are your kids?", asks Jessica.
"To tell you the truth," says Martina, "my George has married a witch! She doesn't get out of bed until 11. She's out all day spending his money on Heaven knows what, and when he gets home, exhausted, does she have a nice hot dinner for him? NO! She makes him take her out to dinner at an expensive restaurant."
"Hmmm ... and how is your daughter?", Jessica asks.
"Ah!", says Martina. "Cathy has married a saint! He brings her breakfast in bed, he gives her enough money to buy all she needs, and in the evening he takes her out to dinner at a nice, fancy restaurant."

Priest`s Affair
Charlie was responsible for taking up the offerings at a local church. One Sunday, after the service, the priest counted the money and found there was less than anticipated, given the size of the congregation. He took Charlie aside and questioned him.

Charlie said that he did not take any of the offerings.

The priest questioned him again and again and Charlie continued to insist that he did not take any of the offerings. So, the priest told Charlie to get into the confessional, which he did.

The priest then asked him again, "Charlie, did you take any of the offering?" This time, Charlie replied, "I can't hear you."

The priest asked Charlie the same question several times and Charlie would always reply, "I can't hear you."

Finally, the priest yelled, "CHARLIE, DID YOU TAKE ANY OF THE OFFERING?"

Again, the reply was, "I can't hear you."

The priest was now beginning to get angry, so he came out of the confessional and said to Charlie, "Trade places with me and you can ask me a question."

So, they traded places and Charlie asked, "Is it true that you and my wife are having an affair?"

To which the priest replied, "By golly, you can't hear in here!"


Six Nights
A kleptomaniac woman had been caught shoplifting in a supermarket and had to appear in court, taking along her long-suffering husband for marital support.

The prosecution proved that the theft had taken place so the judge told her that, considering her record, he was forced to impose a jail term.

"This time you stole a can of tomatoes. There were six tomatoes in the can. Do you agree?"

The woman agreed.

"Then I sentence you to six nights in jail."

The husband jumped to his feet, addressing the judge, "Your honor, may I approach the bench?"

"Well," said his honor, "this is somewhat unusual but I will make an exception in this case. You may approach the bench."

The husband wasted no time getting there and, leaning forward, he said in a low voice, "She also stole a can of peas."

Back links free

Monica Keena

Full Biography

A pretty petite rising actress, Monica Keena won a following as the bitchy, trouble-making Abbie Morgan on the drama series "Dawson's Creek" (The WB) from 1998 to 1999. Originally hired as a guest performer in the show's first season, the actress was invited back as a regular adding a much-needed spark as the nemesis of the more wholesome leads.
The New Jersey-born, Brooklyn-raised Keena enrolled at NYC's High School for the Performing Arts and shortly thereafter landed a role in the short "Burning Love" (1993). After playing the lead in the TV biopic "A Promise Kept: The Oksana Bauil Story" (CBS, 1994), she made her feature debut in the ensemble of the hit romance "While You Were Sleeping" (1995) and then undertook her first leading role as a sexually-precocious teenager in the overblown "Ripe" (1997). As the title heroine in "Snow White: A Tale of Terror" (Showtime, 1997), Keena proved a lovely presence and held her own opposite Sigourney Weaver who played her evil stepmother. Although "Strike/The Hairy Bird" (1998), a period film set in the early 1960s, received only a regional release, critics especially singled her out as the beautiful aspiring performer with slightly loose morals. That character could easily be a sister to Keena's rebellious Abby Morgan, a role she essayed with relish and wit before the character was phased out of the show.

Keena sparkled as pert, experimental college freshman Rachel Lindquist in writer-producer Judd Apatow's much-undervalued NBC sit-com "Undeclared" (2001-2002), snagged a role in writer Mike White and director Jake Kasdan's "Animal House"-throwback "Orange County" (2002), and leading her first scream-queen leading lady gig in the horror icon smackdown "Freddy Vs. Jason" (2003), followed by a leading turn in the lesser thriller "Long Distance" (2004). The actress displayed her quirky charms again in the otherwise lackluster comedy "Man of the House" (2005) opposite Tommy Lee Jones as the highly-strung, panic attack-prone cheerleader Evie.



Profession(s):
Actor

Family
father:William Keena
mother:Mary Keena

Education
Fiorello H LaGuardia High School of Music and Art & the Performing Arts New York, New York
New York University New York, New York

Mary McCormack

Full Biography

Already an accomplished stage actress with credits in regional theater in her native New Jersey as well as in numerous Off-Broadway productions, attractive, blonde player Mary McCormack made her film debut with a small role in John Hughes' 1994 remake of "Miracle on 34th Street". A part opposite Robert Mitchum in 1995's little seen spoof "Back Fire!" followed, but her real breakthrough came on the ABC drama series "Murder One". A veteran of TV legal dramas, with guest appearances on the similarly themed "Law & Order" (NBC, 1994) and "The Wright Verdicts" (CBS, 1995), McCormack played the regular role of the high-minded and devoted junior attorney Justine Appleton. Her work attracted the attention of audiences and the casting agents for the much hyped film of radio personality Howard Stern's memoir "Private Parts" (1997). Given Stern's reputation, McCormack initially opted to pass on the part of his long-suffering wife Alison, but she was talked into reading the script by her agent. Excited by the dimensionality of the character, and the overriding love story theme of the script, she accepted the role. The film exposed her to a wider audience, and her heartfelt and humorous portrayal of Mrs. Stern not only changed minds about the self-proclaimed King of All Media, but opened eyes to the actress' abilities.
Featured roles in 1998's "The Alarmist", as Stanley Tucci's scheming assistant, and "Deep Impact", as a pilot, followed, and a busy filming schedule led to her near ubiquity on movie screens in 1999. She was an infertile woman married to a religious fanatic in "Getting to Know You" (which debuted at Sundance) before playing a DEA agent in "Harvest", a drama about farmers growing marijuana to financially preserve their land. McCormack was also featured as a romantic partner for director-star Clint Eastwood in the thriller "True Crime" and portrayed the wife of a small-time hockey player (Russell Crowe) who ends up in a game versus the New York Rangers in "Mystery, Alaska" (1999), a film produced and penned by David E Kelley. Additional projects featuring the actress included "The Big Tease", a comedy co-starring Frances Fisher and Craig Ferguson (who also scripted) about a small town Scottish hairdresser who enters the hairdressing world championships in Los Angeles; a supporting turn in "The Broken Hearts Club: A Romantic Comedy"; and "Gun Shy" (all 2000), a Eric Blakeney action comedy film starring Liam Neeson and Sandra Bullock which bombed out of the gate. She also starred with Minnie Driver in the woefull crime comedy "High Heels and Low Lifes" (2001) as one of a pair of downtrodden regular gals caught up in a blackmail scheme, but the actress fared better in the ensemble of writer-director Bart Freundlich's film "World Traveler" (2001). She also had a fine but underutilized turn as Jeff Bridges' wife in the dramedy "K-PAX" (2001). McCormack was particularly excellent as the depressed, lovelorn masseuse in "Full Frontal" (2002), director Steven Soderbergh's arty,low-tech and chilly meditation on Los Angelenos. She next appeared as the adoptive mother of David Spade's full-grown ex-kiddie actor in "Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star" (2003).

In addition to her numerous film appearances, in 1999 theatergoers saw McCormack return to the stage in a high-profile role utilizing her capable singing voice. She succeeded luminaries Natasha Richardson and Jennifer Jason Leigh as Sally Bowles in the popular Broadway revival of "Cabaret". A versatile performer, McCormack is convincing playing anything from a fresh-faced siren to a hard-nosed law enforcer. She returned to the stage, this time in London, as one of the stars of Neil LaBute's "bash, latter day plays", a collection of one-act plays.

Profession(s):
Actor, singer, intern at talent agency, cocktail waitress

Sometimes Credited As:
Mary C McCormack
Mary Catherine McCormack

Family
brother:Will McCormack (Born c. 1974; co-starred with sister in the independent comedy "Colin Fitz" (1997) and later appeared in "American Outlaws" (2001))
daughter:Margaret Morris (Born Sep. 3, 2004; father, Michael Morris)
daughter:Rose Morris (Father, Michael Morris)
father:William McCormack (Owned a car dealership and ice cream parlor; divorced from McCormack's mother in 1990)
husband:Michael Morris (Married in July 2003)
mother:Norah McCormack (Born c. 1942; divorced from McCormack's father in 1990)
sister:Bridget McCormack (Born c. 1967; taught at Yale Law School)


Companion(s)
Barnaby Harris , Companion , ```..Dated c. 1994


Education
William Esper Studios New York, NY acting
Wardlaw-Hartridge School Edison, NJ 1987
Trinity College Hartford, CT BA English, painting 1991

Husband`s Affair

A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady 60 miles per hour. The wife is behind the wheel.

Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice. 'I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce.'

The wife says nothing, keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 65 mph.

The husband speaks again, 'I don't want you to try and talk me out of it,' he says, 'because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a far better lover than you are.'

Again the wife stays quiet, But grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 75.

He pushes his luck, 'I want the house,' he says insistently.

Up to 80.

'I want the car, too,' he continues.

85 mph.

'And,' he says, 'I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards and the boat!'

The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge. This makes him nervous, so he asks her, 'Isn't there anything you want?'

The wife at last replies in a quiet and controlled voice. 'No, I've got everything I need,' she says.

'Oh, really,' he inquires, 'so what have you got?'

Just before they slam into the wall at 85 mph, the wife turns to him and smiles, 'The airbag.'
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pleasing a women

A new, special kind of store just opened up in a Manhatten shopping center. This store sells husbands, yes that’s right - women can browse men from floors of choices.

Actually, there are 6 floors of men, and with an increase in the floor level bringing an positive attributes… a nifty setup - with a catch. As you open the door to any floor, you may choose a man from that floor but if you go up, you cannot go back down except to exit the building. Interesting, right?

So a young woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs. The woman reads the sign and says to herself, “Well, that’s better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what’s further up?” So up she goes.

The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids. The woman remarks to herself, “That’s great, but I wonder what’s further up?” And up she goes again.

The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking. “Hmmm, better” she says. “But I wonder what’s upstairs?”

The fourth floor sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework. “Wow!” exclaims the woman, “very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!” And again she heads up another flight.

The fifth floor sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak. “Oh, mercy me! But just think… what must be awaiting me further on?” So up to the sixth floor she goes.

The sixth floor sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 7,548,652 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor only exists as proof that women are impossible to please.