Ameesha and Kanav: Lost in Love

Love is surely in the air for Ameesha and her boyfriend Kanav Puri.

The Gujju babe's acting career may not be at an all time high but it's her personal life that's been more in the news off-late.

At present Ameesha and Kanav spending are spending some lovey- dovey times with each other and needless to say the duo seems really happy in each other's company.

Ameesha and Kanav are seen having a ball of a time in some of the world's exotic locations such as 'The Louvre' in Paris. Kanav even seems to be enjoying the cake off Ameesha's fingers on the occasion of her birthday.

Must say, this is one couple who certainly seem 'Made for Each Other'.

B-R-O-W-N

A Texan went up to the airline check-in counter and boomed, "Howdy, ma'am. My name's Brown, spelled B-R-O-W-N. Ah'm from Dallas, Texas. Ah'm 6-foot 3-inches tall. Ah'm white from th' top of mah head to th' tip of mah toes, and I hate the Irish."

Well, she didn't know what else to do, so she took his ticket and showed him onto the plane.

He sat down in his seat, and turned to the fellow next to him, "Howdy, suh. My name's Brown, spelled B-R-O-W-N. Ah'm from Dallas, Texas. Ah'm 6-foot 3-inches tall. Ah'm white from th' top of mah head to th' tip of mah toes, and I hate the Irish."

The little fellow turned to him, "Well now, how d'ye do. My name is Patrick Michael O'Donnell. I'm from Dublin, Ireland. I'm 5-foot 6- inches tall, and I'm white from the top o' me head to the tip o' me toes, except for my rectum, which is brown. Spelled B-R-O-W-N."

More Jokes On Several Topics-Jokes

Aishwarya makes up with Sanjay Leela Bhansali

Aishwarya Rai Bachchan has fulfilled another one of her dreams.

She has patched up with her 'Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam' and 'Devdas' director Sanjay Leela Bhansali.

The inside buzz is that she's been trying that for a long time. Quite understandably so! After all, many have felt and said that he's one director who brings out the best in her.

Well, that seems quite a correct analysis considering the fact that even though her films with others like 'Dhoom 2' and 'Guru' have done well; she hasn't really walked away with all the accolades.

The icing on the cake is that the venture will also be on a grand scale like 'Devdas'. Moreover in the movie she's opposite Hrithik Roshan with whom her on screen chemistry simply rocks.

Not surprisingly Ash on her part is quite grateful to the director who has given her two of the biggest films of her career.

She doesn't really care about the fiasco that 'Saawariya' was. If all goes well, the film will go on floors by the middle of next year

Bhansali has finally got over the sorrow he felt after his poetry in motion-'Saawariya' flopped. That movie was slammed by audiences and critics alike.

By the way, SRK's loss is Hrithik's gain.

The buzz is that the director was quite angry at the actor for making fun of 'Saawariya' at a film award function and calling it a 'blue' film. The news is that he's sworn never to work with SRK again.

As for Ash, she and The Bachchans just celebrated the 70th birthday bash of her sick father.

She managed to take some time off from the jungles of Kochi where she is currently shooting for Mani Ratnam's biggie 'Raavan'.

This is one actress who really knows how to balance her personal and professional life!

Gossip about Aishwarya

Madonna .A-Rod Share Turkey

Rumor has it the pair plans to spend Thanksgiving together at Alex Rodriguez’s place in New York.
Could Madonna and A-Rod be stepping out as a couple? Well, more like stepping in.

Access Hollywood broke the story after receiving a copy of an email from Rodriguez’s ex Cynthia to a friend. The email reads, “My 6-foot-3, 220-pound soul-less, soon-to-be ex-husband is abandoning his kids on Thanksgiving to be with Madonna … She called and he ran on her command back to New York City ... Gross!”
And who’s on the guest list? According to Page Six; Madonna, her kids Lourdes, Rocco and David and their mutual manager, Guy Oseary will attend the holiday feast at A-Rod’s Manhattan apartment.

Cynthia filed for divorce from her New York Yankee husband last July after five years of marriage while Madonna and her husband Guy Ritchie just received a preliminary divorce on Friday.

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There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire become a great writer.

When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

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Celibraty-Shannon Tweed

Personalities(jokes)

Personalities
Nelson Mandela is at home watching the box, when there is a knock at his door. He gets up and answers it, there is a Chinese bloke with clipboard, and behind him is a lorry full of exhaust pipes.

"You sign, you sign," yells the Chinese.

Nelson looks at the truck and tells the Chinese bloke that he has got the wrong bloke.

Next day Nelson is watching a film when there is a knock on his door. It's the same Chinese bloke and behind him is truck full of brake parts.

"You Sign, You Sign," screams the Chinese bloke and pushes the clipboard under Nelson's nose.

"Look you Twat,” snarls Nelson "You've got the wrong bloke. I don't want brake parts, you've got the wrong bloke again."

Next day Nelson is sitting in the chair reading a magazine, when there is a knock on the door. It's the Chinese bloke again, behind him are two trucks filled with engine parts.

The Chinese bloke screams at Nelson, "You sign, you sign."

Well that's it Nelson loses his wig and picks the Chinese bloke up by his shirt and yells, "Look, I don't want these! Do you understand? You must have the wrong man! Who do you want to give these to?"

The Chinese bloke looks at his clipboard and says, "You not Nissan Maindealer?"


A true story from the Japanese Embassy in US:
Laloo Prasad was given some Basic English conversation training before he visits Washington and meets with President Bill Clinton.
The instructor told Laloo, "Laloo ji, when you shake hand with President Clinton, please say how are you . Then Mr. Clinton should say, "I am fine, and you?" Now you should say me too. Afterwards we, translators, will do all the work for you."
It looks quite simple, but the truth is ....
When Laloo Prasad met Clinton, he mistakenly said, "Who Are you?".
Mr. Clinton was a bit shocked but still managed to react with humor: "Well, I am Hilary`s husband, ha ha...”
Then Mori replied confidently, "Me too, ha ha ha."
Then there was a long silent moment in the meeting room.

Next jokes-Law/Lawyers

Kareena:I want to get married and have children with Saif

Kareena Kapoor and Saif Ali Khan have been together for more than a year now. Her love life with Shahid Kapur never really made so much news but with Saif, she's been painting the town red for months now. They have been 'joined at the hip' and their off screen pairing has made more news than their careers.

Bebo has recently opened up more in an exclusive interview with PEOPLE magazine and has talked in detail about family approval, marriage, kids and the challenges of being in love.

She's said, "I want to get married and have children. I would do anything to keep a relationship going. For me, time is a very precious commodity and I'm always there for Saif.

And that says a lot. It's very easy to talk about fidelity, loyalty and swimming the seven seas but considering the lives we lead, I think the most important thing in a relationship is the amount of time you can spend with each other."

She's made it clear that she has had no problems with Saif being married before. In fact she respects Saif's ex wife Amrita a lot!

She adds, "Not really. I respect the fact that Saif was married before and has two lovely children. I have been a fan of Amrita Singh.


haven't met her ever but I know her through her films. For me, she'll always have a place of importance in his life because she is Saif Ali Khan's first wife and the mother of his children. And, I've told Saif this.

I would want her to have that kind of respect always. This is what my parents have taught me. At the end of the day, it was just a marriage that didn't work out. I have always encouraged Saif to be friends with her because I think that would be great.

I guess they will just need time but that's something that they would need to deal with. I will always respect her. As far as any other relationship of Saif is concerned, I don't think they really mattered."

She sees a future ahead with Saifu too.

She's said, "Of course, we do talk about the future. If I was to imagine what it would be like 30 or 40 years from now, I see Saif and me on a yacht, sailing across the world."

It will be great to see another rare real life pairing lasting so long in the big bad world of Bollywood.

Santabanta

Gossip from Kareena

G-Salma Hayek still waiting for soccer lessons from Beckham

Salma Hayek is still owed a soccer lesson by David Beckham.The ‘Frida’ actress paid £175,000 for a one-hour private lesson with the soccer star at a New York charity auction hosted by Madonna in February — outbidding formidable American Vogue editor Anna Wintour in the process — but has yet to claim her prize.

The pair have reportedly had difficulty securing a date for the coaching session due to David’s sporting commitments and Salma’s acting obligations.

A spokesman for David said: “As yet, we haven’t been able to sort out a date that suits all parties.” As yet, we haven’t been able to sort out a date that suits all parties.

However, it seems unlikely the lesson will take place in the near future.David, who currently plays for Los Angeles Galaxy, is to move to Italy early next year, following his decision to sign a short-term contract with AC Milan.

Salma, 42, can next be seen in action adventure movie ‘Cirque du Freak’ alongside Willem Dafoe and John C. Reilly.

Gossip from actor and actress

Santabanta

Bars & Drunkards -jokes

Wife`s Photograph
A businessman entered a tavern, sat down at the bar, and ordered a double scotch on the rocks.

After he finished the drink, he peeked inside his shirt pocket, then he ordered another double scotch.

After he finished that one, he again peeked inside his shirt pocket and ordered another double scotch.

Finally, the bartender said, "Look, buddy, I'll bring you drinks all night long. But you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order another."

The customer replied, "I'm looking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, then I know it's time to go home."



Drunk Fart
There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a bar.

Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, "ATTENTION ALL" and farts loudly.

The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at the drunk and says, "Excuse me, you just farted in front of my wife."

The drunks replies, "I'm sorry, I didn't know it was her turn."


Drunk & The Nun
There was a guy in a bar one night that got really drunk, I mean really, really, really drunk. When the bar closed he got up to go home.

As he stumbled out the door he saw a nun walking on the sidewalk. So he stumbled over to the nun and punched her in the face.

Well the nun was really surprised but before she could do or say anything he punched her again.

This time she fell down and he stumbled over to her and kicked her in the butt, then he picked her up and threw her into a wall.

By this time the nun was pretty weak and couldn't move very much, so then he stumbled over to her, put his face right next to hers and said.........."Not so strong tonight, are you Batman?"



Thirsty Drunk
A drunk walked into a bar crying. One of the other men in the bar asked him what happened.

"I did a terrible thing," sniffed the drunk, "Just a few hours ago I sold my wife to someone for a bottle of Champagne."

"That is awful," said the other guy, "And now that she is gone you want her back right?"

"Right!" said the drunk, still crying.

"You're sorry you sold her because you realised, too late, that you still loved her, right?"

"Oh, No," said the drunk. I want her back because I'm thirsty again!"

Lovely Jokes
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Jackie Chan

Full Biography
If Buster Keaton were alive and well and living in Hong Kong, directing and starring in kung fu comedies, the end eroduct would probably resemble the films of Jackie Chan. Chan's action sequences, while at least as thrilling as the very best of Hollywood, are further distinguished by meticulous, witty choreography that transforms potentially lethal action into elaborate clowning. As in Keaton's films, the viewer's laughter is sometimes stifled by awe at the sheer physical prowess on display.
With his disarming smile and compact (5'9", 150 lbs) yet muscular frame, Chan does not look or act like a traditional action hero. As The New York Post film critic Jami Bernard observed: "Unlike American action heroes, Chan often takes his lumps, takes the easy way out, or even opts to run." Most of the films that built his reputation have the amiable atmosphere of boys' adventures; they are light, good-natured and surprisingly chaste. Chan offers a benign alternative to such macho Hollywood stars as Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone and Jean-Claude Van Damme. What's more, as a trained martial artist, he could effortlessly kick their pampered butts.

Reputedly a veteran of more than 100 films (more than 40 as an adult), Chan first starred in cheaply produced martial arts movies (e.g., "New Fist of Fury" 1976), in which he aped the fearsome fighting style of the late, great Bruce Lee. He only became Asia's number one box-office star after perfecting his own disarming comic persona and a deliriously slapstick, yet acrobatic, fighting style to match. Chan does all his own stunt work and has almost been killed on several occasions. With his notoriety, no insurance company will underwrite his productions. He had to form the Jackie Chan Stuntmen Association after so many stuntmen were injured during the making of "Police Story" (1985) that none were willing to work with him again. Once he had assembled his own team, Chan trained them personally and paid their medical bills out of his own pocket. He also formed Jackie's Angels, a casting and modeling agency, to cast his increasingly elaborate productions.

Chan's life is already the stuff of Hong Kong legend. He has claimed that his family was so poor at the time of his birth that they offered to sell him to the British doctor who delivered him because they could not afford to pay the medical bill or feed their child. (They eventually reconsidered the sale.) Chan's father and mother found work, as a cook and maid respectively, at the French consulate in Hong Kong before moving to Australia to work at the US embassy when Chan was a small child. The six-year-old was sent back to HK alone in 1961 to be indentured to a ten year stint with the Chinese Opera Research Institute.

From five in the morning to nearly midnight, the young Chan endured an exceedingly rigorous training program in the techniques of Peking Opera. This entailed singing, dancing, mime, acrobatics and a variety of martial arts, all under threat of corporal punishment (caning) and food deprivation. Yu Shan Yuan, the strict master of the school, placed Chan--then called Yuan Lou--in a student performance group called the Seven Little Fortunes, where he began his more than three decade association with the supremely talented Samo Hung and Yuen Biao. The Three Brothers, as they came to call themselves, formed an awesomely coordinated action-comedy trio and performed in "Wheels on Meals" (1983) and "Dragons Forever" (1988), both directed by Hung, and the Chan-directed classic "Project A" (1983).

Chan began his film career at age eight in the Cantonese feature "Big and Little Wong Tin Bar" (1962). He went on to appear in a number of HK singing films. Chan is said to have been in more than 25 films by age ten. He graduated at age 17 and, using the name Chen Yuan Long, found work as a stunt man, martial arts fighter and extra at the Shaw Brothers studios. Chan was gratified to receive a compliment from Bruce Lee while serving as the stunt double for the dreaded Mr. Suzuki in "Fist of Fury/The Chinese Connection" (1971). Chan successfully executed what was reportedly the highest fall ever attempted in a HK film, duly impressing Lee.

Becoming the highest paid film artist in Hong Kong and cultivating an international following, Chan has surpassed the prematurely deceased Lee to become the biggest box-office draw in Japan and the rest of Asia. He has repeatedly set and broken box-office records with some of the most lavish productions in Asian cinema. Chan is also a sensation as a pop recording star; many of his films feature him singing the themes and performing numbers.

Beginning with "The Big Brawl" (1980), Chan also made several attempts to cross over to fame on the American screen with limited success: as part of the large comedy ensembles headed by Burt Reynolds in the two "Cannonball Run" racecar movies (1980, 1983) and as an unlikely NYC cop opposite Danny Aiello in "The Protector" (1985). Chan did not have creative control over these efforts nor did he coordinate the stunts. Though there was a devoted cult following in the English-speaking world familiar with his superlative HK productions developed, most Americans were not given a genuine chance to sample his creative wares. Chan avoided these pitfalls with "Rumble in the Bronx" (1996), his fifth English-language release.

Teamed with former stunt man/precision driver-turned-director Stanley Tong (who had helmed Chan's 1992 "Police Story III: Supercop") and pop star-actress Anita Mui (sometimes described as "the Asian Madonna"), Chan had creative control over "Rumble in the Bronx". Shot in Canada in Vancouver, British Columbia, this joint venture between Hong Kong's Golden Harvest and the US's New Line Cinema served up an old-fashioned story with state-of-the-art stunts bolstered with a major marketing campaign. Chan had arrived, turning up in numerous publications, getting keys to various cities and chatting on TV with David Letterman and Jay Leno. In the film, he portrayed a vacationing HK cop dealing with gangs and the mob in a quirky and rather quaint Bronx of the imagination. The nonsensical story provided an excellent showcase both for Chan's peerless athleticism and his engagingly boyish personality. Despite some unconvincing dubbing, reviewers and audiences were charmed and astounded. Raking in a quick $10 million, the modestly budgeted ($6 million) "Rumble" became the number one film of its opening week. America had finally discovered Jackie Chan. Executives promptly scrambled to bring in more of Hong Kong's most famous export.

While his next few films stumbled at the box office (i.e., "Mr. Nice Guy" 1998), "Rush Hour" (also 1998) proved to be a crowd pleaser, teaming the martial artist with rising comic actor Chris Tucker and led to the inevitable sequel (2001's "Rush Hour 2"). The immense popularity of the "Rush Hour" films set the tone for the next stage in Chan's U.S. career -- instead of being called on to carry a picture on his own, he would be teamed with a popular sidekick in action-oriented buddy comedies. The actor's next successful outing was with Owen Wilson in "Shanghai Noon" (2000), a highly amusing comedy-Western casting Chan as the Chinese Chon Wang (sounds like "John Wayne") seeking a kidnapped princess in the Old West with the help of Wilson's scalawag Roy O'Bannon. Once again Chan showed real charm as a fish-out-of-water, and provided a great foil for an up-and-coming comic actor.

In 2002, Chan joined with the less-comedically gifted Jennifer Love Hewitt in the action comedy "The Tuxedo," which was made with some verve and ingenuity but didn't lure large audiences; and in 2003, he rejoined Wilson for the sequel "Shanghai Knights" which took the two leads to London for a further dose of slapstick action. That same year, Chan starred in the English language Hong Kong actioner "The Medallion," playing a detective who suffers a fatal accident involving a mysterious medallion and is transformed into an immortal warrior with superhuman powers. Most critics found the film to be a fairly standard Chan outing, with a few eye-popping action stunts and a potent dose of Chan's charms, but otherwise unexceptional.

Chan next appeared headlining the all-star ensemble of "Around the World in 80 Days" (2004), a loose, comedic version of the classic Jules Verne novel in which Chan played Phileas Fogg's traveling companion, Passepartout--repositioned this time as the true star of the story, a Chinese thief traveling incognito and defending the eccentric Fogg from a variety of menaces and bizarre situations.

Family
father:Charles Chan (Worked at the French consulate in Hong Kong; subsequently worked at the American embassy in Australia; died in 2008, after battling with prostate cancer)
mother:Lee-Lee Chan (Worked at the French embassy in Hong Kong; subsequently worked at the American embassy in Australia; died in 2002)
son:J C Chan (Born c. 1982; sees his father three or four times a year)
wife:Lin Feng-jiao (Taiwanese; separated from Chan)




Profession(s):
Actor, producer, director, stunt choreographer, guild president, singer, executive, stuntman, extra, comic book creator, martial arts coordinator, dishwasher, bricklayer

Sometimes Credited As:
Chan Kong Sang
Chan Kwong-Sang
Chen Gang Shen
Chen Yuan Long
Cheng Leng
Cheng Lung
Fong Si Lung
Jacky Chan
Sing Lung
Yuan Lou
Yuen Lou

Companion(s)
Elaine Ng , Companion , ```..Was at one time crowned Miss Asia; Chan admitted to having a relationship with Ng during filming of "Gorgeous" (1999) at which time she became pregnant with his child


Education
Nah-Hwa Primary School Hong Kong
Chinese Drama Academy Hong Kong 1961


Education
Nah-Hwa Primary School Hong Kong
Chinese Drama Academy Hong Kong 1961


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Lawyer's Secretary

Two lawyers had been life long friends: they were partners and shared everything, including their hot-blooded secretary.

One day the secretary announced she was pregnant. They told her not to worry and assured her that they would pay all medical costs and would act as co-fathers when the child was born and provide all expenses thereafter.

The day of delivery arrived. Both the lawyers were at the hospital pacing the floor in the waiting room.

Finally one of them said, "I can't take this, I'm going down to sit in my car and wait there. Please come down and tell me as soon as the child is born!"

The partner agreed to do that. About an hour later the partner approached the car with a very grave look on his face.

"What happened?" asked the waiting car occupant.

The other partner announced, "They were twins and mine died!"
LOYAL WIFE JOKES!
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The Loyal Wife!

There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money.

Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the +after-life+ with me."

And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him. Well, he died...

He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait, just a minute!"

She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.

Her friend said, "I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there in the casket with your husband."

The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him."

"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him !!! ?"

"I sure did" said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a cheque. If he can cash it, he can spend it."

Secret of sucesses

Aamir loves Kareena's hot bod

Kareena Kapoor's size zero frame has found many admirers and the latest to join the bandwagon is Aamir Khan.

The religious workout schedule is paying rich dividends for Bebo.

The very talented Aamir who's her co-star in '3 Idiots' has confessed that Kareena has a ravishing body.

The actor said this in a recent interview, "Kareena has a great body. She is a fitness freak and her devotion towards her workouts has definitely made an impact on me."

Aamir usually keeps to himself during the shoots but he has become close to Kareena. It's all because of the common interest (fitness) that they share!

Aamir is impressed with her dedication and he wants people to take her as an example to religiously stick to a workout regime.

Thanks to tedious workouts and dieting, Kareena created a lot of buzz with her super slim body in 'Tashan' (though it didn't really help the cause of the film). Aamir is doing the same with his great physique in the promos of 'Ghajini'.

And there were many who thought that Aamir can never have that kind of a body!

The perfectionist sure has a thing for all dedicated and sincere folks of the world.

Gossip

'F ' in Sex

Little Johnny asks his mother how old she is.

Her reply is, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question."

Johnny then asks his mother how much she weighs.

Again the mother's reply is, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question."

The boy then asks, "Why did daddy leave you?"

To this, the mother says, "You shouldn't ask that," and then sends him to his room.

On the way to his room, the boy trips over his mother's purse. When he picks it up, her driver's license falls out.

Little Johnny looks it over and goes back to his mother saying, "I know all about you now. You are 36 years old, weigh 127 pounds and daddy left you because you got an 'F' in sex#"
Jokes

Karan Johar finds Shilpa Shetty the hottest

There were many options open for Karan Johar to do the sizzling item song – Shut Up and Bounce in his produced Dostana. Many top line actresses were willing to do this number shot in Miami for free for the sake of working under his prestigious banner – Dharma Productions. But Karan zeroed down on Shilpa Shetty. Why you may ask? Well Karan's reply is, "Because she is the hottest!"

He adds, "We finally zeroed in on Shilpa because she has the best body in town. She has done a fantastic job but credit also goes to choreographer Vaibhavi Merchant and music director Vishal Shekhar. Shilpa's number will be the introductory song along John Abraham and Abhishek Bachchan."

Tarun Mansukhani who is making his directorial debut with Dostana too was impressed by Shilpa's professionalism. He says, "Shilpa was comfortable wearing anything for the song. We were to shoot the song in seven days but completed it in four days flat."

Shilpa agreed to be a part of Dostana immediately, not only because it was a Karan Johar production but also because it had her favorite team of film crew members such as – Manish Malhotra as the stylist, Mickey Contractor for the make up and Latika for her hair.

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